gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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