Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
