My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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