He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
