woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
