He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
