hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
