I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
