can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
