Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
