Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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