I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
