i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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