If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
