I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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