don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
