there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
