why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
