I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
