Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize