mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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