new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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