I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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