Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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