I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
