Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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