Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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