i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
