Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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