sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
