I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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