I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
