dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
