he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
