I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
