And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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