I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
