I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
