is your mom at the bar?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
