You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am naked and annoyed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
