And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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