that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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