She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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