I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
