Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
