So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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