i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just forgot I was standing up.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
