when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
