there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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