i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
