why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
