K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
