Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
