Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
