yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
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He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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