Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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