All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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