Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
