So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
