New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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