billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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