Where are you?
In a non slutty way
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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