best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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