there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
