thus making me awesome and them whores
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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