you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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