You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
