just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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