Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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