I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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