Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize