So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
