Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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