How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
